1985 Celica GT: The Oppositelock Review

"Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo" (thetomselleck)
08/09/2016 at 20:58 • Filed to: Celica

I guess now is the time.

Lust at First Sight

There are some things about this car that exist solely to remind you that you did not buy the best of the best. It is not the AE86, nor is it the Celica-Supra. You couldn’t even get the GT-S. I’m not even convinced it’s better than a Corolla SR5 of the same year. The rear of this car is the biggest afterthought of this car. No spoiler. Gigantic mid-80’s bumper that looks swappable with the one on a Tercel wagon. The tail lights. No style, no translucency. Just squares! The amber lenses are flat orange. Even side markers are typical amber lenses. But the rear? Feh. You didn’t buy the AE86 GT-S, so you can suck it. You didn’t get the Celica GT-S or Supra, so no spoilers for you.

And yet it’s part of the charm of the car. Everything on this spaceship is understated. There is zero pizazz. Sure there’s pop up headlights, but an Accord liftback of the same year had them, too.

As a daily driver, it’s fine. The seller actually said he got over 30 mpgs, but I resisted the urge to punch him in the face because I thought it would hinder negotiations. But I did once get 31 on a tank, so I apologize for the imaginary face-punch. I feel absolutely invisible on the road, and anyone that knew or cared about the car would be very pleasant. Hill starts are easy due to the acceptable torque. I can fit comfortably in most any tight parking spot, and my skinny buns offset the rather large coupe doors in such scenarios.

A decent question is why I bought this vehicle. A slow, pickup-engine powered, middling-fuel economy, RWD coupe. The answer is that I loved everything about it. I admit that I love having vehicles that you probably won’t see more than once a day (see, my Tercels, and my ’80 longbed). I enjoy having something unique yet inconspicuous. That’s really just a little bonus. The bones of it is this: the Celica is easy, fun, and useful. In my ’92 Integra, the backseat was a damned joke. In the Celica, you can have full-grown humans with plenty of leg- and headroom in the backseat. I guess by plenty, I mean “legally acceptable.” When you apply pressure to the accelerator pedal, the car actually accelerates. Vision is absolutely panoramic, as there are no blind spots. It steers without effort.

As far as spirited driving goes – spirited being a euphemism for dangerous or illegal – It’s definitely not designed for some things. The first time my, uh, friend, yeah that’s the ticket, got this over 90… Holy shit, you basically felt like you were lifting off. The car became ponderous, and I – HE – had that moment: the one where everything is in slow motion because your car is not responding to steering input, and you’re like, okay, don’t touch the brakes and hope is stabilizes because we are about to crash this motherfucker. But the car did stabilize after a few seconds of horror, and I decided that I won’t be letting my friend drive that fast ever again.

So where did it all go wrong?

You may have noticed I don’t post about it much lately. That’s because I haven’t been driving much and ran out of cute shit to say about it. I take it to the park to walk the dog, and maybe to the bar here and there. But lately, the pickup is the chariot of choice. The blunt truth is I am not in love anymore.

The honeymoon phase had ended around the end of June. Here’s the thing. I absolutely love how this car looks. I have a bazillion photos of it. I don’t just post about every 2 seconds for the sole purpose of being obnoxious – I really am infatuated. But not in love.

I would liken this to a relationship from BMZ – Before Mrs. Zoidberg. There was this beautiful woman who was just [insert gif of cartoon wolf going “AWOOOOGA!”]. Through some twist of fate, she was keen on me too. So we started dating. Amazing and fun at first. But unfortunately, her looks were her most appealing quality. When I broke up with her, I was like, “What the fuck am I doing…” It was insanity from a bystander’s perspective. And that’s how I feel right now about this car.

Cruising in it was fun, but uncomfortable for me any substantial drive, like half an hour or more. Spartan amenities were losing their minimalist appeal. Lack of options in my longbed only makes it more endearing, but does the opposite for the Celica… We actually drove the longbed on our honeymoon, and I would do it again. I feel like the many memories (and occasional repairs) tied to the longbed makes the vehicle feel like part of our lives — more than just a machine. I feel nostalgic just looking at it. The Celica does not have these associations and I feel never will.

The moment of my sad realization happened when we took a little vacation to Ocean Shores for a little vacation. We left the Vibe at the GM dealership to get the Takata airbag replaced, so we took the Celica down. Hell yeah: time for this baby to shine, I thought. But I was lying to myself. I actually wanted to take the pickup, but no room for puppy. At the time, I couldn’t figure out why on earth I let the Celica be second choice…

Here’s what happened: seven hours of PAINFUL driving. The clutch is much heavier than my pickup, the gas pedal is at *just* the wrong angle for my body. The car felt like a damn sauna even in mid-70’s weather because it’s such a greenhouse. The driver’s seat in general is NOT made for distance! I don’t think my body is meant for low-height coupes. But I don’t remember being this uncomfortable in my Integra, but I didn’t like that car much either. Yeah the car made it there and back with absolutely no issues, other than this pain in my back that is still lingering. And besides, it’s an old ‘80s Toyota – reliability is not a sufficient condition, it’s just a perk.

Was it all worth it? Oh HELL yes. I’m glad I finally got to own this car, because now I know. It only cost me $1800, and outside of a fuel filter and an oil change, I spent nothing maintaining it. I kept a few thousand miles off my longbed. I had a lot of fun, and I wouldn’t change a thing. To be honest with everyone, I had planned to sell this car after maybe a year, as I had plans get keep running through my long bucket list of cars to own. But I had no idea that the time would come after just six months of ownership.

I love how it looks when parked. I love hanging my arm out the window. I enjoy pushing 30 miles per gallon. And I love the pull when I push down that damned gas pedal, because this 22RE has tons of life left and is the most powerful engine I’ve ever owned (remember folks: pickup, pickup, tercel, tercel, civic, slushbox integra). But the fact that I no longer look forward to actually driving it… makes all of that moot. I’ll never find another Celica this good, this cheap, and this clean, but what does it matter? The only thing I’m going to regret about losing it is that I didn’t drop that 22RE in my longbed. But I decided that selling it and buying another vehicle was a better use of my time and money. This is still a great car that needs to be enjoyed. It’s a waste for it to sit in my garage. I’m going to fix a few minor things, clean it up, and sell it. Not sure how long that will all take. I don’t know what I’m doing for my next vehicle, but that’s a topic for another day.

And so, the saga of pursuing “the” car continues. The Celica was, physically and mechanically, the best car I have ever owned, and knowing my taste in cars, maybe WILL ever own. Though it is superior to my Tercel and pickup in almost every way (speed, handling, reliability, aesthetics, the list goes on), it is also completely outmatched where it matters most.

Thanks for reading.

DISCUSSION (36)

Spridget > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 21:06

Replacement ehhh?? Well, you know the location of a Winnebago Lesharo . . .

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spridget
08/09/2016 at 21:07

We’re getting a Chinook or Dolphin next year actually!

S65 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 21:12

Kinja'd!!!

good job! But I’m still calling it The Crab Wagon

interstate366, now In The Industry > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 21:15

My 3rd gen gives me the opposite experience. It’s not fast, but I love, love, love driving it.

Kinja'd!!!

Spridget > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 21:18

Really? Congrats!

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > interstate366, now In The Industry
08/09/2016 at 21:19

That’s how I feel about this guy

Kinja'd!!!

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > S65
08/09/2016 at 21:20

I can’t stop you from doing as such.

Steve in Manhattan > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 21:21

Carb or fuel injection? A/C? And go back in the timeline and check out the Solara I left for you ....

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Steve in Manhattan
08/09/2016 at 21:23

1) Fuel injected
2) Didn’t have A/C in my Tercel, don’t have it in my pickup, but I didn’t care because I enjoyed them.
3) I STARRED THAT POST I BELIEVE

Steve in Manhattan > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 21:26

d/n know you recommended post - and damn you, now I am ultra-sensitive to old Toyotas on the street. I’ll keep an eye out.

LongbowMkII > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 21:37

A celica supra fixes most of those issues. Recaro seats and it gets uncomfortable at about 120!

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > LongbowMkII
08/09/2016 at 21:39

A missed opportunity, perhaps.

smobgirl > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 21:59

This breakup makes me very sad but I want you and the Celica to both be happy so I will accept it.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > smobgirl
08/09/2016 at 22:02

Thanks. Hoping whatever comes next will last a bit longer.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 22:26

Great write up! Sad I didn't get to drive it.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two
08/09/2016 at 22:31

You still can! It could be a while before I sell it.

Spaceball-Two > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/09/2016 at 22:32

We should make that happen. You can drive the A4 and I'll drive yours!

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spaceball-Two
08/09/2016 at 22:34

Sounds good! But there better something frosty and cold involved.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/10/2016 at 00:08

Well done crab doctor, every old car has its good moments and bad. In the end its bittersweet.

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/10/2016 at 01:19

Reading that you’re not in love with the Celica anymore is, like, really crushing my evening.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Svart Smart, traded in his Smart
08/10/2016 at 01:39

I will learn to love again!

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/10/2016 at 12:56

I feel like it needs to stay in the Oppo family. It’s too clean to put on the general market.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
08/10/2016 at 12:57

I feel the same way. But there’s not any local oppo interest, in terms of actual ownership.

SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/10/2016 at 13:02

Have you posted a “Celica looking for a good home” thread?

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
08/10/2016 at 13:03

Meh, it would just get burried in the sea of Señor Weak posts.

RPM esq. > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/12/2016 at 15:37

Time for a 635csi, right?

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > RPM esq.
08/12/2016 at 15:38

Need house with bigger garage, then yes

sony1492 > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/12/2016 at 16:27

Personally I think the issue would be seated in the fact that its not exciting enough. I too am constantly posting about my car and clearly its a POS that constantly breaks But its worth it because its Never a dull moment. Having a quick car is hypnotic, intoxicating. being tossed back in your seat, hearing the deafining scream of the motor, tires, and suspension are all things that make the car worse but subsiquently make it rewarding infectious as you search for its sweet spot. In essense I think that maybe your Celica was too slow and too refined be fun. You need something dangerously quick thatll make you work to reach its potential, something visceral.

Mr2, corvette, mk3 supra, sc400(not 300).

RallyDarkstrike - Fan of 2-cyl FIATs, Eastern Bloc & Kei cars > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/13/2016 at 16:38

Sorry to hear it go! Here’s hoping you can find ‘the one’ soon! :)

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/13/2016 at 16:39

That all makes sense to me actually. That’s basically why I sold my Apollo. It was cool, and I loved it, but I wasn’t doing anything with it.

I’d be tempted to buy the Celica, but you’re too far away.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > shop-teacher
08/13/2016 at 16:46

Steep oppo discout if you change your mind

kno lobawlers

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/13/2016 at 17:53

You do realize I’d Rallycross it, right?

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > shop-teacher
08/13/2016 at 17:55

That’s a better fate than sitting in my garage. Cars should be enjoyed.

shop-teacher > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/13/2016 at 17:57

Agreed!

BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/14/2016 at 08:38

Hmmm, i do understand that. You could sort all of those problems fairly simply (set of different seats, heat up and adjust the pedals etc. etc.), but that kind of caper does only appeal to some people.

Plus, if you want to own and drive other cars, you’d have to wait til you got space for them which might be quite a while.

Had the same feeling with my E36. Great car, great fun, but just didn't feel like it was a keeper. Compare that to the citroen that's both objectively and subjectively worse at everything other than space, fuel economy and ride quality (none of which are traits i prize much), but for some reason that's a keeper :S

85GTlover > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
09/19/2018 at 09:57

I know this is a longshot...but any chance you still have the Celica available for sale?